I am on the ground
Waiting to be long and gone
But I’m still right here – Anonymous
I’m a giver. I like to make people laugh – it brings me great joy. People also regularly come to me for life advice. However when it comes to functions – I usually opt out. It was never anything personal, but it was taken accordingly. Particular spaces make me uneasy, because even when I’m out I still yearn for my little personal zone. I grew up with a small handful of friends. Very small – despite people assuming I had many due to my boisterous laughter supposedly heard from “miles away”. With a keen interest in psychology and sociology, I noticed that I would commonly test the grounds on my own platonic relationships. Various trust tactics would ensure me if you trust me as much as I would trust you. Because despite having multiple layers, once you get to centre I’m as soft as candy floss…if you can reach there.
Is this healthy? It depends what is defined as such. Our society thrives on this new “outgoing lifestyle”. Brunch with girlfriends, dinner dates with boyfriends; a very common topic. With zero dating history it does make me wonder if I’m too selfish for a partner. However if you are busy on a journey to self-love, you owe no one an explanation for your singleness. You need to find yourself before you find anyone else. Nonetheless what’s wrong with being alone? Isn’t that still just being? We have established in this new age that sexuality is fluid – from bi-sexual to asexual. Does that mean there is fluidity in how we float through time? Everyone’s character is different, and it seems that we still struggle to understand this when an individual may just prefer being alone than going out with friends.
So what is my purpose? The social norms of having a nuclear family is nothing we should live by. I may have children and a partner in the future, I may not. But I do know that I am comfortable enough to do things I enjoy on my own. I have reached a point where I understand that although I cannot isolate myself completely, I cannot relate to individuals like I used to. And I’m okay with that. Because I know this is who I am and I am not the only one.
I am my own best friend, and nobody knows me better than me.
Here are a few steps to understanding solitude with oneself:
- Keep a diary. Reach for it whenever you are alone and something is on your mind but no one to speak to. It’s a visual representation of your mind flowing through the pages.
- Meditation. It’s not just a religious practice and has various mental health benefits. We are constantly thinking so it’s important to slow down and enjoying silence. Let the mind rest and clear negative thoughts. There are many free meditation apps you can try.
- You can leave the party if you have a bad vibe. You are not obliged to stay if you aren’t having a good time (even if your friends beg you to stay). Leave early, get home safe and relax. You owe it to yourself.
- Explore by yourself. Try that new fruit cake at the local café you were curious about. Go and buy that cute dress that’s finally on sale. Don’t opt out of doing things fearing you will look lonely, be confident and show you are secure enough to have a good time.
Don’t let certain people make you feel bad for not wanting to go to that event you had no interest of attending. Because deep down you knew it was not because they displayed interest in you, it was just for extra company. Non-toxic peers in your life will be aware of the space you require as there will be a mutual understanding of your lone wolf mentality. So ask yourself this “Am I even who I am supposed to be yet? Or am I putting off personal growth to keep others happy?”. Remember it is possible to be alone, but not lonely.
Written by Shiquerra Clarke