It’s hard not to notice the current trend of the “Psycho girlfriend” on social media. Young, , women are happily labelling themselves as “Psycho” or “Crazy” because of certain behaviour. It’s become a bit of a joke and I don’t think anyone is saying it 100% seriously but it’s become a common thing to see and hear and I don’t think it’s ok. This ‘trend’ is implying that being in love and behaving like a crazy stalker are the same thing, which is an incredibly unhealthy mindset to create.
For ages I was like “girls are only crazy because of what guys do to us” but then I realised what’s actually happening and it’s not because of guys, it’s because of us. Yes, previous relationships will alter how you go into future relationships and we all have reasons for trust issues, insecurities and the rest, but this psycho girlfriend thing really isn’t cute.
Let me give you an example; your female friend has started seeing a new guy. Straight away he’s a bit needy, calls and texts a lot, likes to know where she is etc. As their relationship progresses it’s clear he doesn’t like her going out with her friends, especially male friends. If she goes on a night out she’s constantly answering his calls and texts, if she doesn’t answer him, he accuses her of cheating on him. You notice he’s quite controlling and she says he goes through her phone to see if she’s cheating. I could give more examples but you get it. You would tell your female friend to leave him because these are serious red flags and he could be controlling and possibly abusive in the long run.
So now, flip it. Your male friend tells you he’s seeing a new girl. She’s a bit needy, she calls and texts a lot. As their relationship progresses it’s clear she doesn’t like it when he sees his friends, especially female friends. She constantly calls and texts him when he’s out. She’s going through his phone and accusing him of cheating. She’s doing everything the guy in the first example did but are you telling your male friend to leave her because of these red flags?
Do you see what I’m saying? The red flags that keep us away from some guys are the same red flags guys with “crazy” girlfriends are putting up with. It’s not cute, it’s not ok and to be honest I think it’s bordering on emotional abuse.
I feel like a lot of people dismiss certain behaviours when it’s a woman doing it to a man. We dismiss it when our friends say they looked through their man’s phone. We dismiss it when our friends call their man 20 times because he’s not called her back. We even dismiss it when she creates fake social media profiles to “check-up” on him. Yet if a guy was doing this to our friend alarm bells would be ringing. LOUD.
I can sort of understand some of this behaviour from younger women, we all know the feelings of an insecure 20 year old but that doesn’t make it ok. If this is your behaviour in a relationship, should you be in that relationship?
My male friends experience women like this and I’m like DO NOT GO THERE. Grown women going through their partner’s phone, stopping him from going out with the lads, losing their shit when he doesn’t text them back fast enough, stopping him from having female friends. Get a grip. If your man is your man why do you not trust him? If you don’t trust him enough to have female friends why are you with him? If he has given you a reason not to trust him, why are you with him? If he has given you no reason not to trust him, why don’t you? It’s on you and your feelings of insecurity and jealousy, not your man’s.
This “psycho” behaviour stems from past experiences and insecurities. If a guy has treated us badly in the past it’s hard to trust someone not to treat us that way again, I get that and I understand that some women have had much worse experiences than others, but I still don’t think it justifies treating your boyfriend this way. You’re supposed to be his sanctuary, not his cause of stress.
Men get hurt too, men get cheated on and treated badly but because society has taught them emotions are for girls they don’t always show how badly they’ve been hurt. They don’t open up and they don’t heal and I think part of it is because they don’t know how too but also how are they supposed to open up and be vulnerable to someone who doesn’t trust them or just causes them stress?
We need to stop promoting this behaviour like it’s normal. We need to start calling our friends out when they are being a psycho girlfriend, or the male equivalent. But most importantly we need to find security within ourselves, we need to love and trust ourselves first, before we bring anyone else into the picture. Whatever has happened to us in the past, however we have been treated, we need to accept our role in it, find peace with it and let it go so we can move forward and be in happier, healthier relationships.
Written by Kelly Peake