Now, , we all have that “one friend.” On the same note we have all been that “friend.” So try to see the following comments as a dramatization and not as a roast session.
We all have a girl friend that does detoxes and cleanses when she’s gained an extra two stone from eating fast food, chain smoking, and drinking. Yeah, the girl you catch three days into her “abstinence from all that is impure” with a drink in her hand, calling multiple guys, and eating potato chips. She leaves a trail of perpetual disorganization and forgetfulness behind her no matter where she goes. She asks you for tampons and she would ask you for condoms… but she doesn’t use them. She’s had a series of poor relationships and “hook-ups” which has as consistent a history as racism in America, and she never ceases to amaze you in the ways she neglects herself, her family, and you as a result.
What do you do though? She was there during your “moment.” Only now she is having a moment that is reminiscent of Britney Spears circa 2007. We all saw how bad that got and none of us were in her circle… Nonetheless what kind of a girl would you be if you abandoned her? What kind of human would you be if you didn’t stand up for yourself? Don’t worry I am here for you! Keep reading to figure out five ways to deal with your own personal Lindsay Lohan.
Don’t tell her how to adult if you don’t have it together all the time either.
I know you hate it when she (fill in the blank). It is unbearable when she forgets to (same story). Listen, she was there for you during your dark night of the soul and she wasn’t there nagging and preaching. She provided support, a shoulder to cry on, and someone to go out with. So don’t tell your friend how to adult if you don’t know how to 24/7.
Lead by example.
If you want her to do her laundry, pick up after herself, organize her stuff then you need to do it first.
*You get brownie points if you do it in front of her and it sparks her inspiration.*
Invite her to go on walks with you, invite her to go to the bookstore, invite her to go to Whole Foods! Let her come along with you during your daily routines and let your stability help her.
Get a second opinion.
We do it when we go to the doctor. Don’t be confrontational and add negative energy to the situation when you don’t know if you are just being hypersensitive. Make sure if you do the next step you are not going to her with misguided and misinterpreted “social diagnosis.” I recommend the old and wise people in your life (e.g. your rents).
Let her know what’s up.
If you don’t sit down and communicate you’ll never know what’s really going on. Talking it out also gives you a chance to interchange perspectives. Truth be told you cannot expect your friend to see her situation the way you see it. So with empathy tell her how you feel and listen. Don’t just tell her about herself, present her with solutions. You wouldn’t want someone to sit you down and explain every form of self sabotage you’ve exhibited. Now specifics on how to do the sit down are a completely different article in and of itself.
*The circumstances are completely different if depression, self harm, or if your friend has endured any form of abuse.*
If you have tried everything on this list and you still see no improvement then start removing your energy from the situation. If you’ve given your friend resources and honest feedback on the situation as well as solutions and she is still choosing to exhibit self defeating actions you don’t have to share an environment with her. Be there to support her from a distance and have compassion for yourself in recognizing when a relationship is no longer productive.
Being a good friend does not mean forgoing yourself or being a doormat. Now pick yourself up or share this article with a friend who needs it. Also if you are reading this because you have a friend that is to awkward to tell you this to your face, be receptive. Overall the situation should be about assisting your friend not attacking them. This is a delicate situation. Respect the energy of yourself and all the parties involved.
Resources for any of the following:
Self Harm/Mental Health 1-800-273-8255
Substance Abuse 1-877-856-4140
Domestic Abuse 1-800-799-7233
Sexual Assault 1-800-656-4673
Written by Tiff Jai
Tiff Jai is an African American creative visionary, Complimentary and Alternative Medicine student, and Youtuber. She discusses everything from current events to how to enhance personal health, relationships, and ones quality of life. This bleeding heart is all about creating content that embodies her visions and doing so in a way that fosters critical thinking to make the world a better place.
If I ask you to tell me the name of individuals who changed the world thanks to their scientific work, view I wager you’d tell me Isaac Newton, price Einstein, Poincaré, Galileo, Stephen Hawking, Aristotle, Gauss, or even Oppenheimer. But what about Marie Curie, Sally Ride, Mae Jemison, Katherine Johnson, Chien-Shiung Wu, Hypathie, or Sofia Kovalevskaya? I’m sure that most of you have never heard of 90 percent of those names before, and frankly, I had to make some researches before getting acquainted with some of them. However, their involvement in science is just as important as many men scientists who actually got more credit for discoveries that were equally or even less accurate than theirs. Be that as it may, enhancing and highlighting these women’s work, researches and intelligence is in no way a degradation of these men’s work because it has the same value, it’s just that women don’t have as much opportunities as men to get involved into STEM activities of all kinds.
Let’s talk about Katherine Johnson. She is the woman who inspired Hidden Figures, a book written by Margot Lee Sheterly and adapted into a movie directed by Theodore Melfie and released in 2016. K. Johnson was a brilliant African-American woman who made a great impact on the scientific world in the 60’s. Indeed, her abilities in mathematics were quite astonishing; it includes NASA work which lead to winning the Space Race.
Until 2016, she was barely known while a dozen of her male counterparts were just taking credit for HER actions, HER discoveries, and of course HER intelligence. She remained anonymous not only because she was humble, but because the NASA and the US government didn’t want to acknowledge her work and the impact it had on the Space Race. Katherine Johnson was discriminated against for two reasons: because she was a woman, and because she was black. Those two factors were the only reasons why she was kept away from being rewarded for solving mathematical problems that nobody had the answers to. They were the only reasons why she never witnessed an ounce of public acknowledgment of her work before 2016. A whole 60 years later someone had the decency to tell the world about her achievements.
Today, women are more involved in science, but it still is not enough. In fact, women are extremely underrepresented in the STEM careers (about 80 percent of STEM workers are men). That is why today, plenty of women and men want to push for the enrollment of more women in science. Girls shouldn’t be afraid of science studies because they are too manly or too complicated, because they’re not! As women, we all have the ability to be as valuable to STEM as our male counterparts.
Written by Dié-Astou Tall
Edited by L. Anderson