I never knew what the word ‘dating’ actually meant. I always thought it represented two beings committing to each other; boyfriend and girlfriend or they were exclusively hanging out without labels? But, mind I believe that it means seeing multiple people? Not in a skanky way, click but in keeping options open kind of way. Or, abortion at least that’s how I’m interpreting the word. I still don’t know. All I know is if it feels right then; it can’t be wrong? And, if it feels wrong you should probably stop.
Embarking on what one would assume is the dating world, I assume because I’ve never done it before as I would have been a child or in a relationship. So, I’m still figuring out how it all works. It’s a very strange, nerve racking, ego boosting, ego-crushing, annoying, stressful, exciting time but, above all, it’s a big learning experience. Meeting different people, feeling attractive to other people, feeling attracted to other people, having fun, engaging in fabulous banter and having sex are all the positives of this new found world I’m in and of course lots of drinking. Not in like an “I need help and am suppressing issues I don’t want to deal with” kind of way more like an “I love to drink beer with people, loosen up the nerves and it always makes me more hilarious than I already am” kind of way.
Just to make it clear I’m not seeking or going out of my way relentlessly to find my future life partner; it’s more “Woah! That guy is a hottie I would like to look at his face close to my face and tell him about my obsession with murder documentaries”, OR it’s purely physical and like, “I want to see his naked body”. It’s such a fine line I’m finding out between physical attraction and liking someone. You’d assume that if the chemistry is working and you’re at it like rabbits that you must like each other. But, that’s not necessarily the case as when you aren’t making sweet love to each other you’ll find yourself in long silences and won’t have anything to say or anything in common. Then opposite end you’ll have so many things to talk about but might not want to jeopardise this connection with sex. As I said, it’s a fine line, and maybe you do like the silent, mysterious types. Or, perhaps you had a strong start and saw feelings evolving then realised once you were kissing him that you were not listening to your vagina correctly.
I don’t use Tinder or dating sights because I end up just getting my friends involved and we do funny, some might say cruel, jokes to the people I happen to match with, sorry boys. Although, I suppose in some ways Instagram and Facebook are practically dating sights without the “title” of being a dating sight. And on those platforms, I have on many occasion been called ruthless for my impulsive adding. I have no shame in that, though, because a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do. And, as my dad says, “Don’t rely on anyone. If you want something done, do it yourself.” I don’t have time to wait around for that hot guy that looked at me, maybe, but I didn’t go up to him because I didn’t want to seem too eager, but, I’m totally keen on to just miraculously slide into my DM’s and play it coy and cool. If they respond yes I want to be left with that nervous feeling in my guts that either means I’m excited or about to shit myself. We’ve all been there girls and, if you haven’t then you’ve never lived.
At one point I was caught up in, I suppose the right collective noun would be a trio of men that have given me all different experiences and insights on the dating world. Being adored, being ignored and being bored. Each category has its emotional fulfilment for both parties involved but, having so much of one trait and not enough of the others unbalances the relationship and starts to create drama and confusion. During my time with each man, I always was honest and at times, maybe a little too honest but, at least they knew where I was at mentally, what I wanted physically, and what I was doing. Being assertive and honest with your decisions will always end in your favour. That way you don’t have to carry out white lies, or dance around the truth to seem more attractive/loyal.
Adored, ignored and bored. Obviously, we all love to be loved it’s a human given but, it can be dangerous to give too much attention to someone. With one of my suitors I was receiving all this admiration and began to normalise this behaviour and expected nothing less and, gave practically nothing in return. Being told, “You know I’ll do anything for you, you are unbelievable, and rainbows fall out of your mouth when you smile, and I want to live in your vagina.” It’s like, bitch get in line. But, it’s more like, no one is that good stop lying to my face. So, ditched him. Being ignored isn’t a great feeling but, there’s something about a dick head that is so attractive which is awful to admit, but it’s like, “Hey! I am sleeping with that guy, and we’ve been texting all day. Now he’s ignoring me in public, but I’m totally going to allow this because I want to win him over” a sick and twisted characteristic some of us women tend to embody but, deny we do. Wounds the ego and makes you feel gross. So, scraped that one too. And, as for being bored, it’s neither good nor bad. It’s just convenient when you both are willing to hang out. You both don’t see it going anywhere but, are enjoying a chat, beverage and the company. It more or less fades out in its own time, and no one’s phased. Which it did, and I don’t think either of us a phased.
Don’t know why there is this unspoken rule of the man needing to be the one that makes all the first moves and decisions? be bold and be brave and put yourself out there. What’s the worse that can happen? They say no. It’s not a bullet; you won’t die. Your ego might get a little bit bruised, but, as Aaliyah says, “If at first, you don’t succeed. Dust yourself off and try it again.”
So, if you’re on this single person journey like me put yourself out there, and show the world what you have to offer. Find those good-looking men/women and ooze sexual charisma that you might have never known was there before. Be confident with that tacky one liner, make that joke that no one gets and above all just be yourself. Don’t shave your bikini line before you go out, don’t lather a face full of foundation on your probably already flawless skin and don’t over think anything. Or, you can do all those things I’m not the boss of you. The only thing I will say you have to do is to wear a fabulous outfit. What I’m getting at is just embrace what you are and don’t be embarrassed. Have fun, wear protection and don’t wear glittery short shorts and shit yourself. It’s not as funny as it sounds.
Written by Laura Bracken